youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
