you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
