when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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