Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize