Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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