fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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