her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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