It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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