Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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