Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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