What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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