I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
