Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
