Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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