Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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