yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize