Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
