you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
