What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize