her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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