I feel like I'm in dance class right now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
birth control should be required to get into college
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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