wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
