On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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