Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
