Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
