Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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