I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
