yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
