Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
