wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
