sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize