I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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