your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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