When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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