Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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