ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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