I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
