neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
