im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
3 2 1 whiskey
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
