Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
