FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
