He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
