My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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