this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
