Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
