there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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