oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
