I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize