she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
