Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
