I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
