I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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