Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
