I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
