sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I forget how to act sober
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
