Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize