I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
