You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
