Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
