you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
