The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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