so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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