i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
