Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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