fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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