So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize