Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
